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EXTRAORDINARY ITEMS – Management CONsultants.

HM Prison service has just joined the Institute of Management Consultants. Which means, of course, that HMP is going to have to update its language if it wants to continue to progress its community safety enhancement programme and individual retention strategy. Luckily, we’re here to help: Ownership change agents: thieves Physical incursion operatives: muggers Non-voluntary client-base: prisoners Inappropriately resourceful sales & marketing personnel: conmen Retention duration: prison sentence Unanticipated facility breach: jailbreak Customer care operatives: screws – sorry, wardens Leakage via customer-engineered subterranean bore: tunnel escape Spontaneous mass demonstration of dissatisfaction with unilaterally-imposed terms and conditions related to incarceration: prison riot.

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